Zac just stands there for a few seconds after I say his name. I can't read his facial expression well, but his eyes, they look so lost and it almost makes my heart break so bad.
"I left Kate," Zac finally speaks and he looks down at the porch and away from my gaze. "I left her after she gave me the option to chose between her and my brother," he sighs before looking back up at me. "I can't just cut out my family."
I'm silent after he speaks, not sure what to make of it all. How do I react to him leaving Kate? What does it mean that he chose Taylor over his wife? How am I going to explain this to Austin if he wakes up?
Clearing my throat, I run a hand through my hair, "Why did you come all the way to California?" I ask still not sure why he is at my door.
Zac shrugs, "Because I needed you," he says like it was always that simple. He needed me so he came here. "I'm not stupid Carrot cake," he smirks using that damn nickname for me. "I know nothing is ever going to come from whatever it is I have with Taylor. I know he'll never leave Natalie and he still loves Alex."
"So you're saying you chose me too?" I ask raising my eyebrow.
Zac nods, "I guess I am."
"Wow," I whisper not having expected this at all, especially after having just gave into my wanting to have sex with Austin. "I'm not sure what to say."
"You could say, come in," Zac laughs and it's then that I know he is unaware that right down the hall, in my bed is Austin.
I laugh too or well try my best, "Come in," I say and I'm not surprised when he does come inside.
Zac looks around after he comes in, "This place never changes," he says as he shakes his head. "I was here two years ago and I swear it still looks the same."
I shrug, "I don't think people change things in their house that often," I answer as I walk over to the couch and sit down.
"Kate does," Zac laughs and follows me to the couch, sitting down beside me. When he does so, he looks me over. "Did I wake you up?"
"No," I shake my head, "I was just getting ready for bed though," I smile some. It's not a blatant lie. I was getting ready to go to sleep...after fucking Austin.
Thinking of Austin, I realize just how dangerous this is, having Zac in here on my couch. Letting him be here and being so friendly with him. Do I really want Austin to possibly come down the hall and see this? If he does I know I will have a lot of explaining to do.
"I should have picked you a long time ago," Zac speaks up, breaking the silence that had built for a few minutes. "I shouldn't have even started fucking around with Taylor," he frowns as he looks away from me.
I frown as he speaks, feeling guilty for what I have just done with Austin. How the hell could I have done that to Zac? I know I still love him but there is just something about Austin. It's like he has become a drug and he makes me feel so much better. Better than I had felt since ending things with Zac.
"I shouldn't have let you end things," Zac says looking back at me again.
I look away from him now, feeling even more guilty, "But I wanted to end things. I was tired of just being your fall back...even if I loved you."
Feeling a hand on my leg, I can't turn to face Zac. I can't let him see just how ashamed he has made me feel. God damn him having the ability to ruin me. God damn me for letting him do it.
"Do you still love me?" he asks his voice so soft and so low that I can barely hear it. "Because I love you."
Swallowing hard I know this is what I have always wanted to hear from Zac but I wish he would have told me sooner. Told me before I knew that Austin liked me. Told me before I had slept with Austin, before I had developed some fucked up feelings for Austin too.
"I do still love you," I answer as I turn my head to face him, tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. I hate crying in front of people but right now I can't help it.
Zac frowns some and move his hand higher up my leg, "What's the matter then?" he asks as he moves closer to me.
I know he is trying to comfort me but it really isn't helping. Nope, it's making it worse.
"I slept with Austin," I tell him deciding to be honest. It's what I can offer right now. It's what I need to give to him after all he has just said. "He's down the hall in my bed asleep right now."
After I finish speaking, I make eye contact with Zac and I'd be lying if I say I don't see the hurt flash in his eyes. I officially hate myself for hurting him.
"Austin has feelings for me," I continue again and feel a tear go down my cheek, "And in some way, I think I have feelings for him too...and tonight I finally gave into my feelings for him. I let us both have what we want."
Feeling Zac move his hand away, I frown as I watch him stand up and pace back and forth for awhile, a hand running through his hair every so often. "Zac," I say as I start to stand up.
Zac puts his hand out and backs away from me, "I think coming here was a bad idea," he says as he turns his back to me and walks out of the house.
standing there, I just watch him leave feeling helpless. I wish I could do or say something but I can't. Instead I look down and feel more tears coming down my cheeks.
"Why didn't you go after him?" a voice asks harshly and I turn around, looking up as I wipe at my eyes. I'm not surprised when I see it's Austin. Who else would it be.
When I don't answer him, Austin rolls his eyes and it's then that I realize he has gotten dressed again.
"You should have went after him, I mean we both know it's always going to be him," Austin says harsh again. I hate that he is being like this, especially after what happened. "I mean you admitted you still love him," he says his voice raising.
I'm not surprised that Austin has just admitted to hearing most of my conversation with Zac. I was asking for danger when I let Zac inside and of course I got it.
"I also told him I had feelings for you too," I counter as I try to control my emotions and not start crying again.
Austin laughs bitterly and heads towards the door, "Feelings aren't love Care baby," he mutters as he turns back to me. "I was stupid for hoping that what just happened earlier would ever change things. Zac still had you forever wrapped around his finger."
I bit my lip and jump slightly as Austin walks out the door, the door slamming as he does so. If I have ever wanted to be somewhere else, tonight is the night. I truly want to be somewhere, be someone else. Someone who didn't always seem to mess up.
"Stupid Carrick," I say to myself as I sat down on the couch and let myself cry again. It seems crying is all I can do right now.
After just sitting on the couch and crying for what seems like forever, I decide to stand up and head to my bedroom. Sleep may make things better. When I reach my room and climb under the covers in a matter of seconds and close my eyes.
Sometime after closing my eyes though, I'm vaguely aware of a body climbing into the bed with me. I probably should be scared but I'm not, especially when I feel the person sliding an arm around my waist and moving closer.
When they move closer I take a deep breath, almost sure I can pinpoint the smell of the person. I should have known he would come back. I'm glad he came back. Smiling content, I drift off hoping to sleep peacefully in his arms.
"I left Kate," Zac finally speaks and he looks down at the porch and away from my gaze. "I left her after she gave me the option to chose between her and my brother," he sighs before looking back up at me. "I can't just cut out my family."
I'm silent after he speaks, not sure what to make of it all. How do I react to him leaving Kate? What does it mean that he chose Taylor over his wife? How am I going to explain this to Austin if he wakes up?
Clearing my throat, I run a hand through my hair, "Why did you come all the way to California?" I ask still not sure why he is at my door.
Zac shrugs, "Because I needed you," he says like it was always that simple. He needed me so he came here. "I'm not stupid Carrot cake," he smirks using that damn nickname for me. "I know nothing is ever going to come from whatever it is I have with Taylor. I know he'll never leave Natalie and he still loves Alex."
"So you're saying you chose me too?" I ask raising my eyebrow.
Zac nods, "I guess I am."
"Wow," I whisper not having expected this at all, especially after having just gave into my wanting to have sex with Austin. "I'm not sure what to say."
"You could say, come in," Zac laughs and it's then that I know he is unaware that right down the hall, in my bed is Austin.
I laugh too or well try my best, "Come in," I say and I'm not surprised when he does come inside.
Zac looks around after he comes in, "This place never changes," he says as he shakes his head. "I was here two years ago and I swear it still looks the same."
I shrug, "I don't think people change things in their house that often," I answer as I walk over to the couch and sit down.
"Kate does," Zac laughs and follows me to the couch, sitting down beside me. When he does so, he looks me over. "Did I wake you up?"
"No," I shake my head, "I was just getting ready for bed though," I smile some. It's not a blatant lie. I was getting ready to go to sleep...after fucking Austin.
Thinking of Austin, I realize just how dangerous this is, having Zac in here on my couch. Letting him be here and being so friendly with him. Do I really want Austin to possibly come down the hall and see this? If he does I know I will have a lot of explaining to do.
"I should have picked you a long time ago," Zac speaks up, breaking the silence that had built for a few minutes. "I shouldn't have even started fucking around with Taylor," he frowns as he looks away from me.
I frown as he speaks, feeling guilty for what I have just done with Austin. How the hell could I have done that to Zac? I know I still love him but there is just something about Austin. It's like he has become a drug and he makes me feel so much better. Better than I had felt since ending things with Zac.
"I shouldn't have let you end things," Zac says looking back at me again.
I look away from him now, feeling even more guilty, "But I wanted to end things. I was tired of just being your fall back...even if I loved you."
Feeling a hand on my leg, I can't turn to face Zac. I can't let him see just how ashamed he has made me feel. God damn him having the ability to ruin me. God damn me for letting him do it.
"Do you still love me?" he asks his voice so soft and so low that I can barely hear it. "Because I love you."
Swallowing hard I know this is what I have always wanted to hear from Zac but I wish he would have told me sooner. Told me before I knew that Austin liked me. Told me before I had slept with Austin, before I had developed some fucked up feelings for Austin too.
"I do still love you," I answer as I turn my head to face him, tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. I hate crying in front of people but right now I can't help it.
Zac frowns some and move his hand higher up my leg, "What's the matter then?" he asks as he moves closer to me.
I know he is trying to comfort me but it really isn't helping. Nope, it's making it worse.
"I slept with Austin," I tell him deciding to be honest. It's what I can offer right now. It's what I need to give to him after all he has just said. "He's down the hall in my bed asleep right now."
After I finish speaking, I make eye contact with Zac and I'd be lying if I say I don't see the hurt flash in his eyes. I officially hate myself for hurting him.
"Austin has feelings for me," I continue again and feel a tear go down my cheek, "And in some way, I think I have feelings for him too...and tonight I finally gave into my feelings for him. I let us both have what we want."
Feeling Zac move his hand away, I frown as I watch him stand up and pace back and forth for awhile, a hand running through his hair every so often. "Zac," I say as I start to stand up.
Zac puts his hand out and backs away from me, "I think coming here was a bad idea," he says as he turns his back to me and walks out of the house.
standing there, I just watch him leave feeling helpless. I wish I could do or say something but I can't. Instead I look down and feel more tears coming down my cheeks.
"Why didn't you go after him?" a voice asks harshly and I turn around, looking up as I wipe at my eyes. I'm not surprised when I see it's Austin. Who else would it be.
When I don't answer him, Austin rolls his eyes and it's then that I realize he has gotten dressed again.
"You should have went after him, I mean we both know it's always going to be him," Austin says harsh again. I hate that he is being like this, especially after what happened. "I mean you admitted you still love him," he says his voice raising.
I'm not surprised that Austin has just admitted to hearing most of my conversation with Zac. I was asking for danger when I let Zac inside and of course I got it.
"I also told him I had feelings for you too," I counter as I try to control my emotions and not start crying again.
Austin laughs bitterly and heads towards the door, "Feelings aren't love Care baby," he mutters as he turns back to me. "I was stupid for hoping that what just happened earlier would ever change things. Zac still had you forever wrapped around his finger."
I bit my lip and jump slightly as Austin walks out the door, the door slamming as he does so. If I have ever wanted to be somewhere else, tonight is the night. I truly want to be somewhere, be someone else. Someone who didn't always seem to mess up.
"Stupid Carrick," I say to myself as I sat down on the couch and let myself cry again. It seems crying is all I can do right now.
After just sitting on the couch and crying for what seems like forever, I decide to stand up and head to my bedroom. Sleep may make things better. When I reach my room and climb under the covers in a matter of seconds and close my eyes.
Sometime after closing my eyes though, I'm vaguely aware of a body climbing into the bed with me. I probably should be scared but I'm not, especially when I feel the person sliding an arm around my waist and moving closer.
When they move closer I take a deep breath, almost sure I can pinpoint the smell of the person. I should have known he would come back. I'm glad he came back. Smiling content, I drift off hoping to sleep peacefully in his arms.