Looking at Zac once more, I open the door and let Isaac in as I leave the bathroom in a hurry. Never in my life have I ever been as relieved for someone interrupting a conversation in my life. A conversation that I hope ends.
Going to my room, I sit on the bed and look up as Zac comes in not long after me. I can tell from the look on his face though that this conversation isn't over and he wants a question to what he asked so I just sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Do you want the truth or a lie?" I offer, hoping maybe that he goes with the lie. At least then he'd know it was a lie and maybe wouldn't hurt me.
Zac sighs and raises an eyebrow, "I want the truth Carrick," he tells me as he uses my full name and not that damn Care nickname that once used to be what Austin and only Austin called me.
At his insistence that he wants the truth, I look away from him. "Austin wasn't right," I confess as I shake my head. "I....up until I knew what he had done, I would have chosen him," I tell Zac as I turn to face him and see a look of hurt go across his face. It's a look I hate and I hate it even more knowing it's there because of me.
"So what? You just picked me because Austin is an ass?" Zac asks as he drops the towel and goes to where his bag is beside my dresser. Bending down he gets some clothes out and dresses in a hurry.
I shake my head, "I never said that," I counter but I know it seems that way. To Zac it seems like I chose him because Austin is an ass and if I know Zac he has probably convinced himself this is true. "I came back here to you and blew you in the bathroom because I wanted too, because I do love you still."
Zac turns to me and laughs after he is finished getting dressed. "But you aren't in love with me anymore are you?" he asks and I hear his voice break right before I see a few tears going down his cheek.
Frowning at the sight in front of me, I stand from the bed and go over to him, "I never said I wasn't in love with you anymore," I tell him as I reach out and slowly wipe away a few of his tear. "I'm still very much in love with you, I just, I'm in love with Austin as well," I whisper being honest.
Zac moves away from my touch and bends down, grabbing his bag and I raise my eyebrow as he walks towards my bedroom door with the bag. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Tulsa," he tells me without even looking back. He just leaves my room and I let him. Standing there frozen in my bedroom, I soon hear the front door shut and I'm not sure how long I stand there when I hear a car pull up and then pull away again. I just know in my gut that it was Zac leaving in a taxi. He was gone again and it was because of me.
Finally getting the courage to move again, I leave my room and head outside to the front porch where I find Isaac. It's kind of funny the brother who bores me to death is the only person I'm left with now.
Isaac shoots me a look as he sits down on my porch swing, "Zac left," he tells me, "but I think you already knew that," he shrugs as he puts a mug he is holding to his lips. I'm fairly certain it is coffee. Those damn Hanson's have a coffee addiction worse than my weed addiction.
"I did know that," I nod as I sit down beside Isaac.
"What did you do Carrick?" Isaac asks as he looks me over, judging me silently I'm sure of.
I look down and chew on my lip, "Told Zac that I would have chose Austin over him, I mean up until today anyway," I frown knowing if Isaac was judging me before, he really is now. "Zac thought it meant I wasn't still in love with him but I am...." I trail off as I know I have screwed up major.
"But you love Austin too," Isaac says and I nod. I feel horrible that it seems like even Isaac knows the dilemma I am in right now. "When did things change Carrick?" he asks me and I am confused at his words.
I look back at him, "What do you mean?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow.
Isaac just laughs at my question, "When did you fall for Austin and when did you stop just being in love with Zac and fall for both of them?'
At his question, I sigh and just think it over, not really sure when it changed. "I...I think it changed when I ended things with Zac and then when we went to Tulsa and I found out how Austin felt. It was like something in me changed. Something in me was awoken towards him."
"Will you regret it then if nothing ever happens between you and Austin? Will you be okay letting Austin go now, I mean even knowing he is a dick you still seem to love him because you haven't once said you loved him."
After Isaac talks again, I go silent. He is right. I do still love Austin, even after knowing he can be a prick. And his question's are something that make me think. Will I regret not being with Austin? Will I feel like I let something slip through my hands. I laugh some as I look at Isaac, "But Zac," I say knowing that if I chose Austin that Zac will be hurt, hell he is already hurt and on his way back home.
Isaac just laughs some too, "Zac is a grown man, not a little boy. He will live with whatever you chose, even if at times he acts like he won't be able to live with it," he tells me as he takes another drink from the mug in his hand.
I know Isaac is right. Zac may act childish at times but his strength is astounding. A strength that sometimes I wish I possessed as well, because then I could say without a doubt just which one of them I could live without but right now, I just don't see myself surviving without Austin or Zac.
"I can't see myself without either of them," I tell Isaac, feeling just a bith pathetic and selfish. I'm selfish to want both f them and I know I can't have both of them. Austin is jealous of Zac and Zac god does he ever get jealous of anyone I am with.
"Then you need to do some more thinking," Isaac shrugs as he stands from the swing. "I think I'll leave you with your thoughts. I need to go call Nikki anyway and see if we can work things out," he smiles sadly before walking inside my house.
Watching him leave, I look out over my porch. I'm still stuck on who to chose. I love them both and they both bring out really good things in me, even if Austin is an ass he still brings out a good part of me and Zac god, he has always brought out the best in me. But maybe, maybe it is time I gave someone else a chance.
Shaking my head at that thought, I then remember what Zac has given up for me. He left Kate and stopped whatever he had with Taylor. Austin didn't even have the decency to tell me he was screwing around with Isaac while he was trying to get in my pants, though I don't fault him for it, it does make me more swayed to want Zac.
I finally stand from the porch swing and go back inside long enough to get my car keys. Once they are in hand, I go to my car and get in, deciding to just let my heart lead me to where I want to be. My heart is the only thing that is going to be able to chose.
Arriving at the destination my heart had chosen, I park my car and get out, walking and hoping it's not too late. Getting closer to the door, I smile when I see him outside and the closer I get he looks up, his eyes showing confusion.
"What are you doing here?" he asks as I slowly sit down beside him.
I shrug, "I'm here because I'm just a boy without you Zac," I laugh as I nudge him playfully. "What are you doing outside sitting on the sidewalk? Shouldn't you be inside waiting for your flight?"
Zac laughs some at my first words and he bits his lip at my questions, "I should," he tells me as he runs a hand through his hair. "But I...I'm not ready to leave you. Not when I still love you."
I smirk hearing him say he still loves me. "I love you too Zac. I love you too much just to let you get on that plane and leave me. I..I know I'm fucked up and I know I love Austin too, but what we have, it's something I can't lose," I tell him as I lean over and peck his lips softly. It's true. I can't lose what I have with Zac. Being without him the last time nearly killed me and it is what got me in this mess I have with Austin.
When Zac pecks my lips back I just smirk more and stand up, holding my hand out to him, which he takes, "Let's go home," I tell him as I lead him back to my car.
"Home?" Zac asks. "I like the sound of that."
I nod, liking the sound of that as well, because it's true. My home is now Zac's home, even if there is still tons of things to work out, like just where Austin fits in my life now and also figuring out how Zac is going to do the whole daddy thing to his children with Kate, but I am sure we will figure those out together. We have always been better at figuring life out together.
Getting to my car, I watch as Zac opens the back door and put his bag in the back, before getting in the passenger side. I get in not long after he does and start the car up, turning the radio on.
"Hey Care?" Zac asks as he looks over at me and I raise my eyebrow. "Do you mind if I put a cd in?" he asks another question and I watch as he reaches towards the back, opening his bag quickly and getting a CD case out.
I just shake my head, "Do whatever you want babe," I tell him giving him permission to put a cd in. As I put my eyes back on the road, I soon hear a familiar song coming out of my speakers. "why the hell did you chose to play this song?" I ask him curiously.
"Because you said you were just a boy without me," Zac tells me and I'm sure he has a damn smirk on his face. "I'm just a boy without you too Care," he informs me before he starts singing a song I know well. It's not long though, until I am singing along with him. Right now, in this moment, I'm sure everything is back to how it should be, at least between Zac and I.
Going to my room, I sit on the bed and look up as Zac comes in not long after me. I can tell from the look on his face though that this conversation isn't over and he wants a question to what he asked so I just sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Do you want the truth or a lie?" I offer, hoping maybe that he goes with the lie. At least then he'd know it was a lie and maybe wouldn't hurt me.
Zac sighs and raises an eyebrow, "I want the truth Carrick," he tells me as he uses my full name and not that damn Care nickname that once used to be what Austin and only Austin called me.
At his insistence that he wants the truth, I look away from him. "Austin wasn't right," I confess as I shake my head. "I....up until I knew what he had done, I would have chosen him," I tell Zac as I turn to face him and see a look of hurt go across his face. It's a look I hate and I hate it even more knowing it's there because of me.
"So what? You just picked me because Austin is an ass?" Zac asks as he drops the towel and goes to where his bag is beside my dresser. Bending down he gets some clothes out and dresses in a hurry.
I shake my head, "I never said that," I counter but I know it seems that way. To Zac it seems like I chose him because Austin is an ass and if I know Zac he has probably convinced himself this is true. "I came back here to you and blew you in the bathroom because I wanted too, because I do love you still."
Zac turns to me and laughs after he is finished getting dressed. "But you aren't in love with me anymore are you?" he asks and I hear his voice break right before I see a few tears going down his cheek.
Frowning at the sight in front of me, I stand from the bed and go over to him, "I never said I wasn't in love with you anymore," I tell him as I reach out and slowly wipe away a few of his tear. "I'm still very much in love with you, I just, I'm in love with Austin as well," I whisper being honest.
Zac moves away from my touch and bends down, grabbing his bag and I raise my eyebrow as he walks towards my bedroom door with the bag. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Tulsa," he tells me without even looking back. He just leaves my room and I let him. Standing there frozen in my bedroom, I soon hear the front door shut and I'm not sure how long I stand there when I hear a car pull up and then pull away again. I just know in my gut that it was Zac leaving in a taxi. He was gone again and it was because of me.
Finally getting the courage to move again, I leave my room and head outside to the front porch where I find Isaac. It's kind of funny the brother who bores me to death is the only person I'm left with now.
Isaac shoots me a look as he sits down on my porch swing, "Zac left," he tells me, "but I think you already knew that," he shrugs as he puts a mug he is holding to his lips. I'm fairly certain it is coffee. Those damn Hanson's have a coffee addiction worse than my weed addiction.
"I did know that," I nod as I sit down beside Isaac.
"What did you do Carrick?" Isaac asks as he looks me over, judging me silently I'm sure of.
I look down and chew on my lip, "Told Zac that I would have chose Austin over him, I mean up until today anyway," I frown knowing if Isaac was judging me before, he really is now. "Zac thought it meant I wasn't still in love with him but I am...." I trail off as I know I have screwed up major.
"But you love Austin too," Isaac says and I nod. I feel horrible that it seems like even Isaac knows the dilemma I am in right now. "When did things change Carrick?" he asks me and I am confused at his words.
I look back at him, "What do you mean?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow.
Isaac just laughs at my question, "When did you fall for Austin and when did you stop just being in love with Zac and fall for both of them?'
At his question, I sigh and just think it over, not really sure when it changed. "I...I think it changed when I ended things with Zac and then when we went to Tulsa and I found out how Austin felt. It was like something in me changed. Something in me was awoken towards him."
"Will you regret it then if nothing ever happens between you and Austin? Will you be okay letting Austin go now, I mean even knowing he is a dick you still seem to love him because you haven't once said you loved him."
After Isaac talks again, I go silent. He is right. I do still love Austin, even after knowing he can be a prick. And his question's are something that make me think. Will I regret not being with Austin? Will I feel like I let something slip through my hands. I laugh some as I look at Isaac, "But Zac," I say knowing that if I chose Austin that Zac will be hurt, hell he is already hurt and on his way back home.
Isaac just laughs some too, "Zac is a grown man, not a little boy. He will live with whatever you chose, even if at times he acts like he won't be able to live with it," he tells me as he takes another drink from the mug in his hand.
I know Isaac is right. Zac may act childish at times but his strength is astounding. A strength that sometimes I wish I possessed as well, because then I could say without a doubt just which one of them I could live without but right now, I just don't see myself surviving without Austin or Zac.
"I can't see myself without either of them," I tell Isaac, feeling just a bith pathetic and selfish. I'm selfish to want both f them and I know I can't have both of them. Austin is jealous of Zac and Zac god does he ever get jealous of anyone I am with.
"Then you need to do some more thinking," Isaac shrugs as he stands from the swing. "I think I'll leave you with your thoughts. I need to go call Nikki anyway and see if we can work things out," he smiles sadly before walking inside my house.
Watching him leave, I look out over my porch. I'm still stuck on who to chose. I love them both and they both bring out really good things in me, even if Austin is an ass he still brings out a good part of me and Zac god, he has always brought out the best in me. But maybe, maybe it is time I gave someone else a chance.
Shaking my head at that thought, I then remember what Zac has given up for me. He left Kate and stopped whatever he had with Taylor. Austin didn't even have the decency to tell me he was screwing around with Isaac while he was trying to get in my pants, though I don't fault him for it, it does make me more swayed to want Zac.
I finally stand from the porch swing and go back inside long enough to get my car keys. Once they are in hand, I go to my car and get in, deciding to just let my heart lead me to where I want to be. My heart is the only thing that is going to be able to chose.
Arriving at the destination my heart had chosen, I park my car and get out, walking and hoping it's not too late. Getting closer to the door, I smile when I see him outside and the closer I get he looks up, his eyes showing confusion.
"What are you doing here?" he asks as I slowly sit down beside him.
I shrug, "I'm here because I'm just a boy without you Zac," I laugh as I nudge him playfully. "What are you doing outside sitting on the sidewalk? Shouldn't you be inside waiting for your flight?"
Zac laughs some at my first words and he bits his lip at my questions, "I should," he tells me as he runs a hand through his hair. "But I...I'm not ready to leave you. Not when I still love you."
I smirk hearing him say he still loves me. "I love you too Zac. I love you too much just to let you get on that plane and leave me. I..I know I'm fucked up and I know I love Austin too, but what we have, it's something I can't lose," I tell him as I lean over and peck his lips softly. It's true. I can't lose what I have with Zac. Being without him the last time nearly killed me and it is what got me in this mess I have with Austin.
When Zac pecks my lips back I just smirk more and stand up, holding my hand out to him, which he takes, "Let's go home," I tell him as I lead him back to my car.
"Home?" Zac asks. "I like the sound of that."
I nod, liking the sound of that as well, because it's true. My home is now Zac's home, even if there is still tons of things to work out, like just where Austin fits in my life now and also figuring out how Zac is going to do the whole daddy thing to his children with Kate, but I am sure we will figure those out together. We have always been better at figuring life out together.
Getting to my car, I watch as Zac opens the back door and put his bag in the back, before getting in the passenger side. I get in not long after he does and start the car up, turning the radio on.
"Hey Care?" Zac asks as he looks over at me and I raise my eyebrow. "Do you mind if I put a cd in?" he asks another question and I watch as he reaches towards the back, opening his bag quickly and getting a CD case out.
I just shake my head, "Do whatever you want babe," I tell him giving him permission to put a cd in. As I put my eyes back on the road, I soon hear a familiar song coming out of my speakers. "why the hell did you chose to play this song?" I ask him curiously.
"Because you said you were just a boy without me," Zac tells me and I'm sure he has a damn smirk on his face. "I'm just a boy without you too Care," he informs me before he starts singing a song I know well. It's not long though, until I am singing along with him. Right now, in this moment, I'm sure everything is back to how it should be, at least between Zac and I.