I sighed as I laid in bed and listened to Austin trying to coax me out. It had been two days since the office incident and since then all I had done was lay in bed or smoke a joint while laying in bed. I really hadn't felt much like moving. I didn't have the energy in me to move. I was numb and I wanted to just wake up from what seemed like a nightmare.
"Come on Care," Austin whispered as he got into bed beside me. It kind of felt comforting when he was so close to me. He made me feel comforted. "You can't stay in this crappy bed forever," he sighed as he pulled me close to him. I didn't put up a fight. "Anyway you kind of stink," he laughed.
I couldn't help it but laugh at his last words, "Maybe I like stinking," I said as I looked at him and sighed. That was a lie but hey at least I was trying to have a sense of humor.
"Yeah, right," Austin laughed before giving me his most genuine smile. It kind of warmed me when he smiled at me like that. "How come you are so sad for Care?" he asked and I felt my sense of humor fade. I hated that he had to ask that. I hadn't wanted to tell him what I saw. Heck I was sure he may be slightly disgusted about it, I knew I was disgusted about it.
"I caught Zac getting head," I confessed hearing my voice crack. "Taylor was the one giving it," I whispered not even sure if Austin would hear me. I kind of hoped he didn't but I could tell from the way his eyes grew huge that he had heard my words.
Austin gulped harder and I could tell he was thinking over his words.
"As in his brother?" he asked and I couldn't help but stifle a tiny laugh. Who else did he think I meant?
"No as in Taylor Lautner, the guy who played that damn wolf in Twilight," I joked as I locked eyes with Austin. "Yes as in his brother," I nodded and shuddered as the image of them came into my mind again. I just wanted that image gone but it wouldn't go away. It kept haunting me as if it wanted to say, hey, you were never enough for your precious Zac. Not if he could move on so easily.
Austin shook his head, "Wow," he muttered and I felt him turn away from me as he looked up at the ceiling. "I never knew Zac and Taylor were into incest."
"Me either," I frowned as I too looked up at the ceiling. I hated that I had even told Taylor I loved Zac. I hated that he knew that and still was fucking around with Zac...my Zac.
"I wish I knew how to make things better Care," Austin said as he reached over and took my hand into his. His hands were warm and I smirked. It seemed like his body radiated the warmth he had inside of him. I liked it.
Squeezing his hand I stayed silent for awhile, "You being here, right now, It's enough," I finally spoke up as I turned to look at him. I was surprised to see him looking at me as well.
Austin nods and stays silent for the longest time. His silence can kill me at times. It's painful and it makes the demons in my head come alive again. Moving into him I laid my head on his shoulder. I need, no crave to be closer to him. He is almost like my safety net at times.
"Care," Austin finally spoke up and it surprised me. I had expected him to stay silent for the rest of the night.
"Yeah," I mumbled without moving my head to look at him.
"I...I..I just wanted to say you are my best friend," his stutters and I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow. Austin only stutters when he wants to say more but can't or is too shy to say more.
I smiled before answering him, moving my head slightly, "You're my best friend to Aussie," I said using my nickname for him. It's a dumb nickname but he has always liked it. He said once it always made him feel like I was calling him an Australian and he liked it. He said that while high and attempting an Australian accent. It may have been the cutest thing I had seen.
Austin nods his head and squeezes my hand, which I had forgotten he was still holding.
Laying there I just watched him and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he still trying to process what I had seen? Was he feeling pity for me? I sure didn't want anyone feeling pity for me.
Yawning I closed my eyes and before realizing it I was asleep. I had been lulled to sleep while watching Austin.
Waking a few hours later, I opened my eyes and frowned seeing Austin gone from the bed. Sitting up I raised my eyebrow as I heard voices coming from the bathroom. Standing from the bed I made a face at the cramps I have. I may be cursing myself for not moving from the bed much the last two days.
Slowly I started to walk towards the bathroom. When I reached the door and grabbed the knob I was almost scared to open the door. I was half afraid of finding Austin getting a blow job via Isaac Hanson. I'm not sure why that thought almost made me sick to my stomach but it did.
Deciding to just crack the door some in case Austin does have a male companion in there, I moved the knob slowly and looked through the crack. I spot Austin on the toilet a joint in hand. Moving my head some more I'm not surprised to see Isaac sitting on the tub a joint in his hand as well. Who knew he smoked pot?
"I...just...I don't Isaac," Austin frowned as I watched him look at Isaac after taking a drag off the joint in his hand. "I want to make Care happy..I really do but I just don't think I can."
"Austin," Isaac spoke in a manner which gave me chills. I had never heard him speak so...fatherly to anyone before. Heck I hadn't really paid much attention to the tone he used. "You just need to let him figure out his own happiness the best way he knows how."
"Yeah and the best way he knows how is by getting revenge," Austin muttered and I couldn't help but chuckle. He was right on that. I was known for doing dumb shit when I was angry and hurt. It was the only thing in those moments that would make me happy.
Isaac shrugged in response to Austin's words and I watched as he took a drag off the joint in his hand. "Is revenge such a bad thing?" he asked. "I mean whoever wronged him probably deserves it."
I chuckled again. I was glad Austin hadn't told him everything that was wrong with me. That he hadn't told him about his brothers and their sins that they were committing with each other.
"They do deserve it," Austin nodded as he finished his joint. "But I hate seeing Care be so dumb when he is getting revenge...it's just..I wish...never mind," Austin said not finishing his thought and I am left wondering just what he was going to say.
"You wish what?" Isaac asked and I am glad he prodded Austin on what he was going to say.
"I wish that Carrick would see he has someone who loves him right here. That he doesn't have to go and get revenge on whoever hurt him because I'm here," Austin admits as he looks down at his hands.
Hearing his words I had to shut the door and I almost ran to the bed. Sitting down I am silent. I really hadn't expected Austin to say that. Not when I was so sure he had a crush on Isaac. Heck I'm still sure he has a crush on Isaac, but, he loves me...he fucking loves me and I hadn't seen it? Of course I hadn't seen it. I was too busy being Zac's boy toy.
Laying back on the bed I'm not sure I want to leave it for another two days. Maybe this time I will never leave the bed. Screw revenge right now. I just found out my best friend loved me and I felt bad because I could never return how he felt. I could never return his love when the damn youngest Hanson still had my heart in the palm of his hands. I may have hated Zac right now. I may have been lying when I said screw revenge as well, because right now revenge on Zac sounded great. Revenge on Taylor sounded great as well.
"Come on Care," Austin whispered as he got into bed beside me. It kind of felt comforting when he was so close to me. He made me feel comforted. "You can't stay in this crappy bed forever," he sighed as he pulled me close to him. I didn't put up a fight. "Anyway you kind of stink," he laughed.
I couldn't help it but laugh at his last words, "Maybe I like stinking," I said as I looked at him and sighed. That was a lie but hey at least I was trying to have a sense of humor.
"Yeah, right," Austin laughed before giving me his most genuine smile. It kind of warmed me when he smiled at me like that. "How come you are so sad for Care?" he asked and I felt my sense of humor fade. I hated that he had to ask that. I hadn't wanted to tell him what I saw. Heck I was sure he may be slightly disgusted about it, I knew I was disgusted about it.
"I caught Zac getting head," I confessed hearing my voice crack. "Taylor was the one giving it," I whispered not even sure if Austin would hear me. I kind of hoped he didn't but I could tell from the way his eyes grew huge that he had heard my words.
Austin gulped harder and I could tell he was thinking over his words.
"As in his brother?" he asked and I couldn't help but stifle a tiny laugh. Who else did he think I meant?
"No as in Taylor Lautner, the guy who played that damn wolf in Twilight," I joked as I locked eyes with Austin. "Yes as in his brother," I nodded and shuddered as the image of them came into my mind again. I just wanted that image gone but it wouldn't go away. It kept haunting me as if it wanted to say, hey, you were never enough for your precious Zac. Not if he could move on so easily.
Austin shook his head, "Wow," he muttered and I felt him turn away from me as he looked up at the ceiling. "I never knew Zac and Taylor were into incest."
"Me either," I frowned as I too looked up at the ceiling. I hated that I had even told Taylor I loved Zac. I hated that he knew that and still was fucking around with Zac...my Zac.
"I wish I knew how to make things better Care," Austin said as he reached over and took my hand into his. His hands were warm and I smirked. It seemed like his body radiated the warmth he had inside of him. I liked it.
Squeezing his hand I stayed silent for awhile, "You being here, right now, It's enough," I finally spoke up as I turned to look at him. I was surprised to see him looking at me as well.
Austin nods and stays silent for the longest time. His silence can kill me at times. It's painful and it makes the demons in my head come alive again. Moving into him I laid my head on his shoulder. I need, no crave to be closer to him. He is almost like my safety net at times.
"Care," Austin finally spoke up and it surprised me. I had expected him to stay silent for the rest of the night.
"Yeah," I mumbled without moving my head to look at him.
"I...I..I just wanted to say you are my best friend," his stutters and I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow. Austin only stutters when he wants to say more but can't or is too shy to say more.
I smiled before answering him, moving my head slightly, "You're my best friend to Aussie," I said using my nickname for him. It's a dumb nickname but he has always liked it. He said once it always made him feel like I was calling him an Australian and he liked it. He said that while high and attempting an Australian accent. It may have been the cutest thing I had seen.
Austin nods his head and squeezes my hand, which I had forgotten he was still holding.
Laying there I just watched him and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he still trying to process what I had seen? Was he feeling pity for me? I sure didn't want anyone feeling pity for me.
Yawning I closed my eyes and before realizing it I was asleep. I had been lulled to sleep while watching Austin.
Waking a few hours later, I opened my eyes and frowned seeing Austin gone from the bed. Sitting up I raised my eyebrow as I heard voices coming from the bathroom. Standing from the bed I made a face at the cramps I have. I may be cursing myself for not moving from the bed much the last two days.
Slowly I started to walk towards the bathroom. When I reached the door and grabbed the knob I was almost scared to open the door. I was half afraid of finding Austin getting a blow job via Isaac Hanson. I'm not sure why that thought almost made me sick to my stomach but it did.
Deciding to just crack the door some in case Austin does have a male companion in there, I moved the knob slowly and looked through the crack. I spot Austin on the toilet a joint in hand. Moving my head some more I'm not surprised to see Isaac sitting on the tub a joint in his hand as well. Who knew he smoked pot?
"I...just...I don't Isaac," Austin frowned as I watched him look at Isaac after taking a drag off the joint in his hand. "I want to make Care happy..I really do but I just don't think I can."
"Austin," Isaac spoke in a manner which gave me chills. I had never heard him speak so...fatherly to anyone before. Heck I hadn't really paid much attention to the tone he used. "You just need to let him figure out his own happiness the best way he knows how."
"Yeah and the best way he knows how is by getting revenge," Austin muttered and I couldn't help but chuckle. He was right on that. I was known for doing dumb shit when I was angry and hurt. It was the only thing in those moments that would make me happy.
Isaac shrugged in response to Austin's words and I watched as he took a drag off the joint in his hand. "Is revenge such a bad thing?" he asked. "I mean whoever wronged him probably deserves it."
I chuckled again. I was glad Austin hadn't told him everything that was wrong with me. That he hadn't told him about his brothers and their sins that they were committing with each other.
"They do deserve it," Austin nodded as he finished his joint. "But I hate seeing Care be so dumb when he is getting revenge...it's just..I wish...never mind," Austin said not finishing his thought and I am left wondering just what he was going to say.
"You wish what?" Isaac asked and I am glad he prodded Austin on what he was going to say.
"I wish that Carrick would see he has someone who loves him right here. That he doesn't have to go and get revenge on whoever hurt him because I'm here," Austin admits as he looks down at his hands.
Hearing his words I had to shut the door and I almost ran to the bed. Sitting down I am silent. I really hadn't expected Austin to say that. Not when I was so sure he had a crush on Isaac. Heck I'm still sure he has a crush on Isaac, but, he loves me...he fucking loves me and I hadn't seen it? Of course I hadn't seen it. I was too busy being Zac's boy toy.
Laying back on the bed I'm not sure I want to leave it for another two days. Maybe this time I will never leave the bed. Screw revenge right now. I just found out my best friend loved me and I felt bad because I could never return how he felt. I could never return his love when the damn youngest Hanson still had my heart in the palm of his hands. I may have hated Zac right now. I may have been lying when I said screw revenge as well, because right now revenge on Zac sounded great. Revenge on Taylor sounded great as well.