Sitting on my front porch two weeks later, I sigh as I look over at Austin. Since being back it seemed like he wouldn't leave my side. He was treating me as if I was worse than I had been when we left for Tulsa. I didn't think I was worse, I mean yeah, I knew about Taylor and Zac fucking and I had told Kate everything but I thought I was doing better.
"I don't need you treating me like a baby," I say as I look away from him. I feel like a kid confronting their overprotective parent.
Austin sighs, "How exactly am I treating you like a baby Care?"
Looking down at my hands, I chew on my lip as I decide on the best way to answer him. I feel like if I answer him wrong he may just ground me for the rest of my life.
"Being with me all the time since we have been back. Not letting me do shit for myself," I shrug as I look up. "I'm not a fucking child nor am I as depressed as I was," I mutter before looking at him. "If you love me like you told Isaac that you did then stop acting like a concerned dad."
After I say the words, I immediately regret the harshness in which I said them. I could have been nicer. I know that but sometimes I have the tendency to be a prick.
"Fine Care," Austin says his tone going harsh as well. "How about I stop caring for you at all?" he asks as he stands up from the porch and starts to walk away.
Seeing him walk away I can't help but frown, "Aussie, don't," I speak up as I too stand from the porch and soon walk after him. When I reach him I grab his arm. "I'm sorry that I was a prick," I sigh. Apologizing has never been something I'm good at.
Austin turns to face me after I apologize and I'm half scared he may slap me. If he did slap me I would deserve it.
"I'm sorry too," he says as he looks down away from me. "I guess I'm just scared that going to Tulsa did more damage to you then it did good," he shrugs before looking back up.
When he looks back up I notice the hint of sadness in his eyes. I'm tempted to pull him into a hug. I hate when he has that sad look. It's one look of his that can always make me become mush.
I reach over though and just stroke his cheek with my hand, "It's okay," I whisper and offer him a smile. "I'm fine," I say still smiling, though a part of me doesn't really believe my own words once I state them. Am I really fine?
Austin smiles as I stroke his cheek, "You sure you are fine?" he asks.
I really wish he hadn't asked that because now I am doubting myself. Instead of speaking I just nod my head and move my hand off his cheek.
"Good," Austin says as he smiles more and walks back towards my house. "You know, I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."
I roll my eyes and follow after him, "Go out where?" I ask not sure if I feel up to going out, though if I really want to prove to Austin that I am fine I may have to go out, just for show.
Austin turns to face me with a huge smirk on his face, "There is this new gay bar downtown," he shrugs as he walks into my house as if he owns it. Hell maybe he does own it since he is here more than he is at his own place.
I stand on the porch in shock for a few seconds before finally going inside, "A gay bar?" I ask wanting to make sure I have heard him right. I know I'm into guys but hell I don't think I've ever had any interest in stepping foot inside of a gay bar.
Austin just nods and before I can speak anymore he is pulling me off into my room.
"I need to find you something else to wear though," he mutters as he looks me over and scrunches up his face.
At his words I look down at myself, "And what's wrong with what I have on?"
Austin just laughs some as he opens my closet and begins to rummage through it, "Don't take this wrong hon, but you look like a hobo," he shrugs as he turns to face me, giving me a wink.
I can't help but laugh. He does have a point but then again, I always look like a hobo, so I'm not sure what to make of him wanting me to not look like one tonight means.
It takes Austin thirty minutes before he finds something suitable and it takes me just ten minutes to change into it though I wish it was longer because as soon as I have changed I'm following Austin out the door and towards his car.
"Why do you look so down Care?" Austin asks me once he reaches his car.
I shrug as I walk to the passenger side, "Not down, more like nervous."
"Don't be nervous, I'll be with you," Austin winks as he opens his door and gets in.
I just sigh and get in as well. I wish I could not be nervous but this is something new and since a part of me is now questioning whether I really am okay or not, going to a gay bar isn't on the top of my lists of things to do. No on the top of my list would be staying home and getting high.
When Austin pulls out of my drive way, I just turn my head and stare out the window. I'm hoping the whole night will just go by in a hurry.
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Looking at my watch, I chew on my lip. It's almost midnight and Austin and I have been at this damn bar now for four hours. For long fucking hours. Avoiding the gaze of the guy who is sitting beside me at the bar, I scan the dance floor until I see Austin. Of course he is dancing with a guy. A guy who could eerily pass as Isaac's twin.
"I can't fucking take this," I growl as I stand from the bar stool. I am way too sober right now and I just want to go back home. Taking a deep breath I push my way through the crowded dance floor until I reach Austin and his Isaac look a like.
"Care?" Austin asks as his voice slurs. Well at least one of us is drunk.
"Yeah, it's me," I nod and look over at the Isaac look alike. He is giving me a death glare and I just shrug. "Sorry to interrupt," I smile as I let my hand latch onto Austin's arms. "But my boyfriend is incredibly drunk and I think it's time I take him home," I shrug as I turn and lead Austin away. I don't care that I have lied.
When I make it outside I lead the way to his car, "I need your keys," I tell him knowing there is no way in hell I am letting him drive drunk.
"Fine," Austin mutters as he pulls away from me and reaches into his pocket. Within seconds he is holding his keys out for me and I take them. "You know," he slurs as he walks over to the passenger side, "I heard you call me your boyfriend."
Getting in the car, I shrug as I watch Austin get in, "It's the only way I would have gotten him to let me take you home."
Austin just giggles, "Tell yourself that all you want. I think you want me to be your boyfriend."
At his words, I go silent. I'm not sure what to say because the idea of him as my boyfriend does kind of thrill me but as soon as the thrill leaves I have thoughts of Zac. Fucking Zac creeping in when I don't want him too. Taking a deep breath I just reach out and turn the radio up. If I'm going to not speak I need something to kill my confusing thoughts.
When I pull into my drive way, I cut the car off and get out.
"You didn't respond to me," Austin says as he soon reaches where I am at. How in the world can he move so fast when he is drunk?
"I didn't think you telling me your thoughts warranted a response," I mutter as I look over at him before walking onto the porch. Unlocking the door I step inside and turn on the lights. I have never been so relieved to be home before in my life.
Hearing the door shut I just laugh, "I could have shut the door," I say as I turn to look at Austin. I'm surprised at how close we are.
'I know," he nods as he moves even closer to me, "but I wanted to do it," he smirks and before I can say anything else I feel his lips on my own.
Fuck, Austin is kissing me and much like the last time he kissed me I don't pull away. No I let him kiss me and I know I'm going to let him lead me to my bedroom as well. I'm going to let Austin have his way with me tonight.
"I don't need you treating me like a baby," I say as I look away from him. I feel like a kid confronting their overprotective parent.
Austin sighs, "How exactly am I treating you like a baby Care?"
Looking down at my hands, I chew on my lip as I decide on the best way to answer him. I feel like if I answer him wrong he may just ground me for the rest of my life.
"Being with me all the time since we have been back. Not letting me do shit for myself," I shrug as I look up. "I'm not a fucking child nor am I as depressed as I was," I mutter before looking at him. "If you love me like you told Isaac that you did then stop acting like a concerned dad."
After I say the words, I immediately regret the harshness in which I said them. I could have been nicer. I know that but sometimes I have the tendency to be a prick.
"Fine Care," Austin says his tone going harsh as well. "How about I stop caring for you at all?" he asks as he stands up from the porch and starts to walk away.
Seeing him walk away I can't help but frown, "Aussie, don't," I speak up as I too stand from the porch and soon walk after him. When I reach him I grab his arm. "I'm sorry that I was a prick," I sigh. Apologizing has never been something I'm good at.
Austin turns to face me after I apologize and I'm half scared he may slap me. If he did slap me I would deserve it.
"I'm sorry too," he says as he looks down away from me. "I guess I'm just scared that going to Tulsa did more damage to you then it did good," he shrugs before looking back up.
When he looks back up I notice the hint of sadness in his eyes. I'm tempted to pull him into a hug. I hate when he has that sad look. It's one look of his that can always make me become mush.
I reach over though and just stroke his cheek with my hand, "It's okay," I whisper and offer him a smile. "I'm fine," I say still smiling, though a part of me doesn't really believe my own words once I state them. Am I really fine?
Austin smiles as I stroke his cheek, "You sure you are fine?" he asks.
I really wish he hadn't asked that because now I am doubting myself. Instead of speaking I just nod my head and move my hand off his cheek.
"Good," Austin says as he smiles more and walks back towards my house. "You know, I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."
I roll my eyes and follow after him, "Go out where?" I ask not sure if I feel up to going out, though if I really want to prove to Austin that I am fine I may have to go out, just for show.
Austin turns to face me with a huge smirk on his face, "There is this new gay bar downtown," he shrugs as he walks into my house as if he owns it. Hell maybe he does own it since he is here more than he is at his own place.
I stand on the porch in shock for a few seconds before finally going inside, "A gay bar?" I ask wanting to make sure I have heard him right. I know I'm into guys but hell I don't think I've ever had any interest in stepping foot inside of a gay bar.
Austin just nods and before I can speak anymore he is pulling me off into my room.
"I need to find you something else to wear though," he mutters as he looks me over and scrunches up his face.
At his words I look down at myself, "And what's wrong with what I have on?"
Austin just laughs some as he opens my closet and begins to rummage through it, "Don't take this wrong hon, but you look like a hobo," he shrugs as he turns to face me, giving me a wink.
I can't help but laugh. He does have a point but then again, I always look like a hobo, so I'm not sure what to make of him wanting me to not look like one tonight means.
It takes Austin thirty minutes before he finds something suitable and it takes me just ten minutes to change into it though I wish it was longer because as soon as I have changed I'm following Austin out the door and towards his car.
"Why do you look so down Care?" Austin asks me once he reaches his car.
I shrug as I walk to the passenger side, "Not down, more like nervous."
"Don't be nervous, I'll be with you," Austin winks as he opens his door and gets in.
I just sigh and get in as well. I wish I could not be nervous but this is something new and since a part of me is now questioning whether I really am okay or not, going to a gay bar isn't on the top of my lists of things to do. No on the top of my list would be staying home and getting high.
When Austin pulls out of my drive way, I just turn my head and stare out the window. I'm hoping the whole night will just go by in a hurry.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Looking at my watch, I chew on my lip. It's almost midnight and Austin and I have been at this damn bar now for four hours. For long fucking hours. Avoiding the gaze of the guy who is sitting beside me at the bar, I scan the dance floor until I see Austin. Of course he is dancing with a guy. A guy who could eerily pass as Isaac's twin.
"I can't fucking take this," I growl as I stand from the bar stool. I am way too sober right now and I just want to go back home. Taking a deep breath I push my way through the crowded dance floor until I reach Austin and his Isaac look a like.
"Care?" Austin asks as his voice slurs. Well at least one of us is drunk.
"Yeah, it's me," I nod and look over at the Isaac look alike. He is giving me a death glare and I just shrug. "Sorry to interrupt," I smile as I let my hand latch onto Austin's arms. "But my boyfriend is incredibly drunk and I think it's time I take him home," I shrug as I turn and lead Austin away. I don't care that I have lied.
When I make it outside I lead the way to his car, "I need your keys," I tell him knowing there is no way in hell I am letting him drive drunk.
"Fine," Austin mutters as he pulls away from me and reaches into his pocket. Within seconds he is holding his keys out for me and I take them. "You know," he slurs as he walks over to the passenger side, "I heard you call me your boyfriend."
Getting in the car, I shrug as I watch Austin get in, "It's the only way I would have gotten him to let me take you home."
Austin just giggles, "Tell yourself that all you want. I think you want me to be your boyfriend."
At his words, I go silent. I'm not sure what to say because the idea of him as my boyfriend does kind of thrill me but as soon as the thrill leaves I have thoughts of Zac. Fucking Zac creeping in when I don't want him too. Taking a deep breath I just reach out and turn the radio up. If I'm going to not speak I need something to kill my confusing thoughts.
When I pull into my drive way, I cut the car off and get out.
"You didn't respond to me," Austin says as he soon reaches where I am at. How in the world can he move so fast when he is drunk?
"I didn't think you telling me your thoughts warranted a response," I mutter as I look over at him before walking onto the porch. Unlocking the door I step inside and turn on the lights. I have never been so relieved to be home before in my life.
Hearing the door shut I just laugh, "I could have shut the door," I say as I turn to look at Austin. I'm surprised at how close we are.
'I know," he nods as he moves even closer to me, "but I wanted to do it," he smirks and before I can say anything else I feel his lips on my own.
Fuck, Austin is kissing me and much like the last time he kissed me I don't pull away. No I let him kiss me and I know I'm going to let him lead me to my bedroom as well. I'm going to let Austin have his way with me tonight.