How is he doing? It was a question I wished I never asked because it meant I still cared. I still gave a fuck about Zac.
When the phone went silent, after I had asked Taylor that question, I was half scared of what his brain was coming up with to say. When Taylor went silent before answering anything, it was never a good thing.
"He's an emotional wreck," Taylor said finally, breaking the silence that had built between us over the wires. Whether he knew it or not, those words had sunk my already broken heart.
"I never meant to make him that way," I sighed as I chewed on my bottom lip. Chewing on my lip was a habit I had when I was nervous. Why the fuck was I nervous? It wasn't like Taylor could see me. It wasn't like Zac could see me either.
Hearing Taylor hesitate, I frowned. Taylor was acting like I had destroyed Zac. Fuck, maybe I had. Emotional wreck didn't sound too promising. No, in fact it sounded worse than I had meant by ending things.
"I know you didn't, Carrick," Taylor said, though his tone came off unsure. He was unsure if I had meant what I said. He was doubting that I had never meant to hurt Zac. Of course he would doubt it, he had always been close to Zac. He would take Zac's side over mine.
Chewing on my lip harder before answering him back, I sat down on my bed and reached for the joint that laid on my dresser. I needed an escape right about now.
Lighting the joint, I took a few puffs before answering Taylor, "You don't sound so sure," I said, deciding to confront him on the doubt I had heard in his voice. I wasn't looking for a fight, I just wanted him to admit that I was right and he doubted me.
"What am I supposed to believe?" Taylor asked, his voice coming off more like a whine. God I really hated when he got whiny. "You ended things out of nowhere."
Taking a few more puffs of the joint, I roll my eyes at his words. I am kind of glad he nor Zac can see me right now. They both hate when anyone rolls their eyes at them. "It may have have been out of nowhere, but it doesn't mean I was trying to hurt him. I just needed to keep myself from getting hurt," I muttered, trying to defend my actions. I knew it was useless but I needed to do it anyway.
When Taylor laughed after I spoke, I felt like reaching through the phone and punching his pretty boy face. He sure knew how to make someone feel so small sometimes.
"Honestly, Carrick, you knew what you were getting into the first time you hooked up with Zac," Taylor muttered, his voice still whiny. It made my urge of wanting to punch him even stronger. "You knew he was just using you as his fallback every time Kate decided to be a bitch."
Finishing the joint, I half wished I had another because that one wasn't working enough to make me feel happy and numb.
"I may have known what I was getting into, but that doesn't mean I could stop myself from falling in love with him," I blurted out before really thinking. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn't told anyone that I was in love with Zac, not even Zac knew I was in love with him.
"You love him?" Taylor asked, his voice no longer whiny. No, it was a mixture of shock and maybe just a bit of amusement. I could understand the shock, but not the amusement.
Looking down at the sheets on my bed, it was now my turn to hesitate before answering him. I had already said it and I didn't see the point in denying his question.
"Yes," I whispered so faint that I wasn't even sure he would hear me. It was sad, but I kind of hoped he wouldn't. Even if I didn't want to deny the question, I still didn't like the idea of him knowing something so huge.
"Wow," he said and I knew from his voice he was still in shock by my admission. Maybe his shock would be enough to make him keep his big mouth shut.
"Yeah wow," I nodded and knew I was stupid for doing so. "J..just promise me you won't tell Zac," I pleaded. I knew I probably sounded like some little kid begging their parent not to punish them. To be honest it was almost how I felt.
"I'm not gonna tell Zac," Taylor said in his best I'm being honest voice. It wasn't a voice he used often, but I knew when he used that voice I could trust him.
"Good," I muttered before moving the phone away from my ear and hitting end. I didn't have anything else I wanted to say to him right now.
Throwing the phone on the dresser, I stood up from the bed and left the room. I needed to roll another joint. I needed to get over the fact that Taylor had said Zac was an emotional wreck and I needed to get over the fact that I was still in love with him even after ending things.
Leaving my room, I headed downstairs and stopped in my tracks when I saw Austin there. His hands were full of suitcases and I tried to remember if I had forgotten some trip we had planned. I came to the conclusion I hadn't forgotten anything though.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked as I studied him again with my blue eyes. He smiled playfully and I had a feeling he had something up his sleeve, something I probably wouldn't like, but that I would go through with anyway because I was just that dumb and naive at times.
Austin laughed some after my question to him. It was a laugh that also meant he had something up his sleeve. I kind of hated knowing him so well.
"I figured we'd have a surprise road trip," he mused and I nearly felt like saying no. Nearly.
Nodding my head yes was my only response and it was enough for him. Before I could protest or change my mind, he was pulling me out the door. I hadn't even packed yet and he was already wanting to get a start on this road trip.
When the phone went silent, after I had asked Taylor that question, I was half scared of what his brain was coming up with to say. When Taylor went silent before answering anything, it was never a good thing.
"He's an emotional wreck," Taylor said finally, breaking the silence that had built between us over the wires. Whether he knew it or not, those words had sunk my already broken heart.
"I never meant to make him that way," I sighed as I chewed on my bottom lip. Chewing on my lip was a habit I had when I was nervous. Why the fuck was I nervous? It wasn't like Taylor could see me. It wasn't like Zac could see me either.
Hearing Taylor hesitate, I frowned. Taylor was acting like I had destroyed Zac. Fuck, maybe I had. Emotional wreck didn't sound too promising. No, in fact it sounded worse than I had meant by ending things.
"I know you didn't, Carrick," Taylor said, though his tone came off unsure. He was unsure if I had meant what I said. He was doubting that I had never meant to hurt Zac. Of course he would doubt it, he had always been close to Zac. He would take Zac's side over mine.
Chewing on my lip harder before answering him back, I sat down on my bed and reached for the joint that laid on my dresser. I needed an escape right about now.
Lighting the joint, I took a few puffs before answering Taylor, "You don't sound so sure," I said, deciding to confront him on the doubt I had heard in his voice. I wasn't looking for a fight, I just wanted him to admit that I was right and he doubted me.
"What am I supposed to believe?" Taylor asked, his voice coming off more like a whine. God I really hated when he got whiny. "You ended things out of nowhere."
Taking a few more puffs of the joint, I roll my eyes at his words. I am kind of glad he nor Zac can see me right now. They both hate when anyone rolls their eyes at them. "It may have have been out of nowhere, but it doesn't mean I was trying to hurt him. I just needed to keep myself from getting hurt," I muttered, trying to defend my actions. I knew it was useless but I needed to do it anyway.
When Taylor laughed after I spoke, I felt like reaching through the phone and punching his pretty boy face. He sure knew how to make someone feel so small sometimes.
"Honestly, Carrick, you knew what you were getting into the first time you hooked up with Zac," Taylor muttered, his voice still whiny. It made my urge of wanting to punch him even stronger. "You knew he was just using you as his fallback every time Kate decided to be a bitch."
Finishing the joint, I half wished I had another because that one wasn't working enough to make me feel happy and numb.
"I may have known what I was getting into, but that doesn't mean I could stop myself from falling in love with him," I blurted out before really thinking. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn't told anyone that I was in love with Zac, not even Zac knew I was in love with him.
"You love him?" Taylor asked, his voice no longer whiny. No, it was a mixture of shock and maybe just a bit of amusement. I could understand the shock, but not the amusement.
Looking down at the sheets on my bed, it was now my turn to hesitate before answering him. I had already said it and I didn't see the point in denying his question.
"Yes," I whispered so faint that I wasn't even sure he would hear me. It was sad, but I kind of hoped he wouldn't. Even if I didn't want to deny the question, I still didn't like the idea of him knowing something so huge.
"Wow," he said and I knew from his voice he was still in shock by my admission. Maybe his shock would be enough to make him keep his big mouth shut.
"Yeah wow," I nodded and knew I was stupid for doing so. "J..just promise me you won't tell Zac," I pleaded. I knew I probably sounded like some little kid begging their parent not to punish them. To be honest it was almost how I felt.
"I'm not gonna tell Zac," Taylor said in his best I'm being honest voice. It wasn't a voice he used often, but I knew when he used that voice I could trust him.
"Good," I muttered before moving the phone away from my ear and hitting end. I didn't have anything else I wanted to say to him right now.
Throwing the phone on the dresser, I stood up from the bed and left the room. I needed to roll another joint. I needed to get over the fact that Taylor had said Zac was an emotional wreck and I needed to get over the fact that I was still in love with him even after ending things.
Leaving my room, I headed downstairs and stopped in my tracks when I saw Austin there. His hands were full of suitcases and I tried to remember if I had forgotten some trip we had planned. I came to the conclusion I hadn't forgotten anything though.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked as I studied him again with my blue eyes. He smiled playfully and I had a feeling he had something up his sleeve, something I probably wouldn't like, but that I would go through with anyway because I was just that dumb and naive at times.
Austin laughed some after my question to him. It was a laugh that also meant he had something up his sleeve. I kind of hated knowing him so well.
"I figured we'd have a surprise road trip," he mused and I nearly felt like saying no. Nearly.
Nodding my head yes was my only response and it was enough for him. Before I could protest or change my mind, he was pulling me out the door. I hadn't even packed yet and he was already wanting to get a start on this road trip.