Sitting on the bed after Zac has left the room, I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I do regret that I let Zac get inside of me again, no pun intended but damn it, it felt good having him again. It felt good being in his arms again.
Frowning I let out a tiny grunt. I'm pathetic when it comes to having Zac near me. I'm stupid if I think I can ever get revenge on him or make him feel bad for also being with Taylor. It seems I'll just wind up letting him worm his way back into my life and my heart, though to be honest, he never left my heart no matter how mad I am at him.
When I hear the door open I look up and see Austin coming inside, carrying a bag of McDonald's. A smile is plastered on his face and I'm not sure why I feel so damn guilty when I see him giving me that smile.
"You got McDonalds?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.
Austin shrugs before smiling at me some more, "I was kind of hoping I could get you to break your vegan lifestyle for just a day," he laughs as he sits down beside me on the bed, bag still in hand.
Taking the bag from him I open it and make a face when I see the oatmeal he has gotten me. Taking it out of the bag I smirk, "I thought you wanted me to break my vegan lifestyle?"
"I did," Austin shrugs again as he laughs some more, trying to stop before speaking some more. "But then I decided you wouldn't be the Carrick I know and love if you did that for me."
When he mentions loving me, I swallow the bite of oatmeal I now have in my mouth hard. I'm not sure If I should confront Austin with what I know or just let it be. I mean I feel kind of weird knowing he has feelings for me and a part of me feels stupid for having not seen it. I had known him for what seemed like forever and I couldn't tell he liked me, yet I could tell that he also seemed to like Isaac too.
"Speaking of love," I say before taking another bite of the oatmeal and looking at him. "I...umm...might have heard you last night," I whisper before looking away. For some reason I just can't look at him right now.
"Heard me last night?" Austin asks confusion apparent in his voice.
I nod at his question, knowing he doesn't have an idea as to what I mean. "I woke up and heard you and Isaac in the bathroom," I mutter and look down at the oatmeal in my hands. "I heard you tell him that you had feelings for me," I finally say feeling a bit better now that it's out there. I'm just nervous of where this conversation will go now. What is going to be said by him? What will I say in response to what he says?
When Austin goes silent and stays silent I almost want to look over at him but I still can't. I'm total chicken shit right in this moment. Hearing Austin clear his throat I start to brace myself for his words.
"I didn't know you woke up," He says his voice lower than what it was before. I'm sure if I look at him that smile he had is also gone. "I...I didn't mean for you to hear my confession," he sighs and it's such a sad sound. Why is it so sad?
"I figured you didn't," I mutter again laughing some. I really want to lighten the mood because his attitude right now is just depressing me.
Austin laughs some and I feel like my attempt at lightening the mood is a success. At least some things I can do right.
"I never wanted you to know," Austin says his voice staying low. "I've always known I'll never be able to compete with Zac so I guess I just found it useless to even try bringing up how I felt for you."
After he speaks I feel the bed shift some and I finally have the ability to look up, seeing that Austin has moved away from me some. Frowning that he has moved away I take the last few bites of my oatmeal and lay the container on the floor.
Reaching out I let my hand rest on his back, "I'm sorry you felt like that Aussie," I say trying to comfort him in some way.
Seeing Austin look down at my words, I frown more.
"I'm sorry too," Austin mutters and stays looking down. "How much do you hate me right now?" he asks before finally looking up at me. When he looks at me I see then that he has tears in his eyes. God I never wanted him to cry.
Shaking my head before answering him I take a deep breath, "I could never hate you for how you feel. You can't ever help your feelings," I shrug knowing that statement all too well. If I could cut off how I felt for Zac I would. If I could develop feelings for Austin I would. Maybe if I liked Austin my life would be less complicated.
Austin smiles some at my words, "Really?" he asks his voice cracking slightly and I see more tears going down his cheek.
"Really," I nod as I find myself pulling him into a hug. I hate seeing him like this. Like such a sad puppy dog. It breaks my heart in ways I don't know how to describe.
As I hold Austin closer in my arms I smile some. It's kind of funny how just a few days ago he was comforting me and now I'm comforting him. It seems like that is all we ever do for each other at times.
"Care?" Austin mumbles into my neck.
"Yeah?" I answer, wondering just what he is going to ask.
He hesitates for awhile but finally speaks, "Why do you smell like Zac....and sex?"
Hearing his question I pull away some. I knew I should have showered after my encounter with Zac. I should have expected to be caught.
When I don't answer I see Austin shake his head and it's like his whole mood has changed all of a sudden. I'm not sure if I'm going to like his new shift in attitude or not. Now I'm afraid he hates me, well not maybe hates me, but I'm pretty sure he is mad at me.
"Please tell me he wasn't here," Austin says as he pleads with me. His tone is pleading and his eyes well they match his tone to a perfect T. "Please Care," he says before moving away from me again.
Chewing on my lip, I wish more than ever that I could tell Austin what he wants to hear. "I wish I could tell you that Austin," I whisper as I feel my cheeks grow hot. I feel like a child who is getting in trouble and I have that damn guilty feeling again. I really hate the guilty feeling.
Austin stands from the bed and starts pacing the room. Something I'm not sure I have ever seen him do before.
"How could you be so stupid?" he asks as he laughs bitterly and I almost feel like he has slapped me across the face. I don't think he has ever called any of my decisions stupid, at least not to my face.
Instead of answering him I just shrug.
"You don't know how you can be so stupid?" he asks after seeing me shrug.
"Because I can't tell Zac no," I finally answer as I chew on my lip harder now. I kind of hate seeing him pacing back and forth now. It's making me uncomfortable. "Why are you so mad at me?" I ask as I stand up and walk over to him. When I reach him I let my hands go to his shoulders and I stop him from moving.
Instead of answering me, I watch as his face inches closer to mine and when I feel his lips on my own I'm frozen in place. Hearing a sigh escape from my lips though I surprise myself when I respond to his kiss.
I'm not supposed to like the feel of his lips on mine. I'm not supposed to like this when Zac has my heart and I was just with him less than two hours ago. This is wrong in millions of ways, yet none of them is stopping me from kissing Austin like my life depended on it.
When Austin pulls away after awhile, I have to catch my breath. I'm not sure what to say. Instead I grab the keys that I see laying on the table. Picking them up I walk towards the door and head outside. Austin is saying something but I'm not paying attention. I need to get out of this room and away from him.
Reaching his car I get in and start it, driving away. I really have no clue where I'm going and I'm not sure I care much either. I just need to think, or maybe thinking is the last thing I need. I'm not sure which one would be better for me.
Frowning I let out a tiny grunt. I'm pathetic when it comes to having Zac near me. I'm stupid if I think I can ever get revenge on him or make him feel bad for also being with Taylor. It seems I'll just wind up letting him worm his way back into my life and my heart, though to be honest, he never left my heart no matter how mad I am at him.
When I hear the door open I look up and see Austin coming inside, carrying a bag of McDonald's. A smile is plastered on his face and I'm not sure why I feel so damn guilty when I see him giving me that smile.
"You got McDonalds?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.
Austin shrugs before smiling at me some more, "I was kind of hoping I could get you to break your vegan lifestyle for just a day," he laughs as he sits down beside me on the bed, bag still in hand.
Taking the bag from him I open it and make a face when I see the oatmeal he has gotten me. Taking it out of the bag I smirk, "I thought you wanted me to break my vegan lifestyle?"
"I did," Austin shrugs again as he laughs some more, trying to stop before speaking some more. "But then I decided you wouldn't be the Carrick I know and love if you did that for me."
When he mentions loving me, I swallow the bite of oatmeal I now have in my mouth hard. I'm not sure If I should confront Austin with what I know or just let it be. I mean I feel kind of weird knowing he has feelings for me and a part of me feels stupid for having not seen it. I had known him for what seemed like forever and I couldn't tell he liked me, yet I could tell that he also seemed to like Isaac too.
"Speaking of love," I say before taking another bite of the oatmeal and looking at him. "I...umm...might have heard you last night," I whisper before looking away. For some reason I just can't look at him right now.
"Heard me last night?" Austin asks confusion apparent in his voice.
I nod at his question, knowing he doesn't have an idea as to what I mean. "I woke up and heard you and Isaac in the bathroom," I mutter and look down at the oatmeal in my hands. "I heard you tell him that you had feelings for me," I finally say feeling a bit better now that it's out there. I'm just nervous of where this conversation will go now. What is going to be said by him? What will I say in response to what he says?
When Austin goes silent and stays silent I almost want to look over at him but I still can't. I'm total chicken shit right in this moment. Hearing Austin clear his throat I start to brace myself for his words.
"I didn't know you woke up," He says his voice lower than what it was before. I'm sure if I look at him that smile he had is also gone. "I...I didn't mean for you to hear my confession," he sighs and it's such a sad sound. Why is it so sad?
"I figured you didn't," I mutter again laughing some. I really want to lighten the mood because his attitude right now is just depressing me.
Austin laughs some and I feel like my attempt at lightening the mood is a success. At least some things I can do right.
"I never wanted you to know," Austin says his voice staying low. "I've always known I'll never be able to compete with Zac so I guess I just found it useless to even try bringing up how I felt for you."
After he speaks I feel the bed shift some and I finally have the ability to look up, seeing that Austin has moved away from me some. Frowning that he has moved away I take the last few bites of my oatmeal and lay the container on the floor.
Reaching out I let my hand rest on his back, "I'm sorry you felt like that Aussie," I say trying to comfort him in some way.
Seeing Austin look down at my words, I frown more.
"I'm sorry too," Austin mutters and stays looking down. "How much do you hate me right now?" he asks before finally looking up at me. When he looks at me I see then that he has tears in his eyes. God I never wanted him to cry.
Shaking my head before answering him I take a deep breath, "I could never hate you for how you feel. You can't ever help your feelings," I shrug knowing that statement all too well. If I could cut off how I felt for Zac I would. If I could develop feelings for Austin I would. Maybe if I liked Austin my life would be less complicated.
Austin smiles some at my words, "Really?" he asks his voice cracking slightly and I see more tears going down his cheek.
"Really," I nod as I find myself pulling him into a hug. I hate seeing him like this. Like such a sad puppy dog. It breaks my heart in ways I don't know how to describe.
As I hold Austin closer in my arms I smile some. It's kind of funny how just a few days ago he was comforting me and now I'm comforting him. It seems like that is all we ever do for each other at times.
"Care?" Austin mumbles into my neck.
"Yeah?" I answer, wondering just what he is going to ask.
He hesitates for awhile but finally speaks, "Why do you smell like Zac....and sex?"
Hearing his question I pull away some. I knew I should have showered after my encounter with Zac. I should have expected to be caught.
When I don't answer I see Austin shake his head and it's like his whole mood has changed all of a sudden. I'm not sure if I'm going to like his new shift in attitude or not. Now I'm afraid he hates me, well not maybe hates me, but I'm pretty sure he is mad at me.
"Please tell me he wasn't here," Austin says as he pleads with me. His tone is pleading and his eyes well they match his tone to a perfect T. "Please Care," he says before moving away from me again.
Chewing on my lip, I wish more than ever that I could tell Austin what he wants to hear. "I wish I could tell you that Austin," I whisper as I feel my cheeks grow hot. I feel like a child who is getting in trouble and I have that damn guilty feeling again. I really hate the guilty feeling.
Austin stands from the bed and starts pacing the room. Something I'm not sure I have ever seen him do before.
"How could you be so stupid?" he asks as he laughs bitterly and I almost feel like he has slapped me across the face. I don't think he has ever called any of my decisions stupid, at least not to my face.
Instead of answering him I just shrug.
"You don't know how you can be so stupid?" he asks after seeing me shrug.
"Because I can't tell Zac no," I finally answer as I chew on my lip harder now. I kind of hate seeing him pacing back and forth now. It's making me uncomfortable. "Why are you so mad at me?" I ask as I stand up and walk over to him. When I reach him I let my hands go to his shoulders and I stop him from moving.
Instead of answering me, I watch as his face inches closer to mine and when I feel his lips on my own I'm frozen in place. Hearing a sigh escape from my lips though I surprise myself when I respond to his kiss.
I'm not supposed to like the feel of his lips on mine. I'm not supposed to like this when Zac has my heart and I was just with him less than two hours ago. This is wrong in millions of ways, yet none of them is stopping me from kissing Austin like my life depended on it.
When Austin pulls away after awhile, I have to catch my breath. I'm not sure what to say. Instead I grab the keys that I see laying on the table. Picking them up I walk towards the door and head outside. Austin is saying something but I'm not paying attention. I need to get out of this room and away from him.
Reaching his car I get in and start it, driving away. I really have no clue where I'm going and I'm not sure I care much either. I just need to think, or maybe thinking is the last thing I need. I'm not sure which one would be better for me.