It's been two days. Two days since Zac and I had sex and two days since learning that Isaac was on his way to California and now I have two Hanson brother's living in my house for the time being. It's not that I mind it because I don't, especially Zac being here but Isaac, well that is a different story.
I haven't asked Zac just what problems Isaac and Nikki are having and a part of me isn't sure that I even want to know. I've come to learn one thing over the past few years and weeks even and it's the fact that these Hanson's are really weird people with fucked up lives. Fucked up lives just like mine.
When I hear someone clear their throat, I look up and see Isaac staring at me from the kitchen, "Yeah?" I ask a blush creeping onto my cheeks. I hate that someone caught me getting lost in my own thoughts.
"I was asking if you wanted anything for lunch?" Isaac asks me as he raises an eyebrow, his brown eyes feeling as if they are staring into every part of me.
If Isaac has ever crept me out it is now.
"No," I speak as I shake my head, offering him a small smile. Even if he is creeping me out I will try to be nice to him.
Isaac mumbles something and I watch as he goes into my kitchen briefly, soon coming out again holding a bowl of what looks speciously like Ramen noodles. When he sits down beside me on the couch I feel as if I'm in some awkward movie. I really wish Zac would wake up and save me from any weird conversation we may have.
"Thanks," Isaac speaks after taking a bite of his noodles.
I turn my head and look at him confused, "For what?" I ask not sure why he is thanking me? Is he thanking me for not eating? If so that is just really dumb of him, but it does seem like something he would do.
Isaac takes a few more bites of his noodles, "For letting me stay here," he answers after swallowing what was in his mouth.
I shrug and look down, "It's no problem," I say honestly. To be honest I really don't think I would have let him stay if he wasn't Zac's brother and if Austin didn't care for him or possibly have some weird unrequited crush on him. Both the men I am in love with like him so I have to like him by proxy it seems.
"You didn't have too though," he smiles and it looks grateful to me. "I mean you and I aren't even that close."
"No," I admit, "But you are close to Zac and Austin and anybody close to them is a friend of mine," I smile at him again, this time much more genuine than the last time.
Isaac laughs bitterly some and sits his half empty bowl down on my coffee table, "Don't even mention that asshole Austin," he spits out, his words coming out bitter and angry.
At that outburst I am confused and raise my eyebrows, "What did Austin do to make you so mad?" I ask as I try to rack my brain. Austin is the last person who I could think would ever intentionally hurt someone. Make someone mad.
"He is the reason Nikki kicked me out," Isaac says and shakes his head. "Sending her proof of the affair we've been having for a year now."
At his words I almost feel like I have been punched in the gut. Isaac and Austin having an affair. Isaac and Austin fucking for a year. Isaac being gay. If I have ever felt like I was in some weird twilight zone movie it is right now. All the other times, if there have ever been any, don't count right now.
"Y..you and Austin?" I ask feeling my voice break some. Funny, it seems that is what my heart is doing too, breaking.
Isaac's face changes at my question and it clicks in his brain, Austin never once told me a word of this.
"I thought he would have told you," Isaac sighs and racks a hand through his hair. "I mean..he said he would tell you eventually. I just thought he did by now."
I shake my head and stand from the couch, "No, he never told me," I say as I start to pace back and forth. "He never told me he was screwing around with you," I mutter as I roll my eyes. How stupid was I to think I was the one stringing Austin along. It seems right now Austin was the one stringing me along. Trying to fix me and get in my pants while messing around with Isaac.
"I need to get out of here," I mutter as I stop pacing back and forth. Going past my door, I grab my keys off the key rack and head outside, slamming the door behind me. Going to my car, I get in and soon drive off, heading to god knows where. Hell maybe I'll even drive off a cliff.
As I drive, I realize I should have saw the signs. The whole time we were in Tulsa when Austin wasn't with me he was Isaac. The guy at the bar who I saved him from the night we made love, he was an Isaac look alike. I should have known Austin and Isaac were fucking each other.
Parking my car, I look up and sigh, realizing I have driven myself to Austin's house. Obviously my heart has a death wish, wanting to see Austin after finding out that he is an asshole.
Taking the keys out of ignition, I get out of the car and walk onto the porch. I raise my hand and take a deep breath before knocking loudly.
After I knock, I look down at the porch and wait, wait until I hear the door swing open and then I look up, coming face to face with Austin.
"Care," he speaks using my nickname, "I figured you'd be fucking your little pretty boy," he spits out and I feel like punching him. How dare he have any right to be made at me.
"Shut up," I spit out just as rue as he was and I push my way inside of his house. "Why didn't you tell me you were having an affair with Isaac?" I ask before he has time to even utter anymore words to me. I want to get to why I am here.
"How did you find out?" Austin asks and I turn to look at him, seeing confusion and a hint of shock in his face.
I laugh some and cross my arms, "Because he came to stay with me after Nikki kicked him out because you somehow revealed to her your affair," I inform him.
He looks away from me and sighs, "I didn't see the point in telling you."
"Oh," I say as I laugh again much more bitter this time, "You didn't see the point in telling me you were having sex with Isaac when you were trying to get into my pants?" I ask as I glare.
Austin shakes his head and finally looks at me, "No, because what Isaac and I had was open. He was free to be with other men too if he wanted and I could do the same," he says and I feel like I have been kicked again. This has nothing to do with his arrangement with Isaac.
I uncross my arms and just look at him, "This is nothing about whatever arrangement you and Isaac have. This is about us," I say without realizing I have just called Austin and I an us. "Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to just be your side piece. That when you claimed to love me that I may have actually fallen in love with you?" I ask as I feel my heart break again.
"But you didn't," Austin says so sure of his own words.
I shrug and just run a hand through my hair, "What makes you so sure of that?"
"If you had fallen in love me you wouldn't have been so eager to be with Zac again. You know I caught you guys having sex two days ago," he says as he walks over to the couch and sits down, looking up at me. "I saw you two. I had came back to apologize for running out on you the day before, for not letting you explain more. Imagine my surprise when I saw you and him in bed."
At his confession I stay silent, not sure what to say.
"I didn't stay long though just seeing it for the few seconds I did it felt like hours," he frowns sadly and I notice the tears going down his cheeks. "I was hurting so bad. When I came home that's when I sent Nikki an email of a video that Isaac and I made. I knew from our Tulsa trip they were having trouble, she was already accusing him of cheating. I wanted someone to hurt like I was hurting."
Feeling my own tears break free, I sigh, "Yeah well you did hurt someone. You hurt me," I confess. "I may have had sex with Zac, I may still love Zac but I did truly fall in love with you," I tell him as I reach up and wipe away a few of my tears. "Hell if anyone had asked me to make a choice yesterday I probably would have chose you."
"And now?" Austin asks as he too wipes at his own tears.
"And now, now all I have to say is for the time being I don't ever want to see you again," I say feeling sad at what this has come too. "You weren't honest with me Aussie," I say using his nickname. "And then when you got hurt by me you lashed out at Isaac. You should have just taken it out on me," I tell him.
After speaking I give Austin one last look before walking to his door and going outside to my car again. Starting it up I drive home feeling as if I have just lost something important, someone important but it was his actions that caused that. His actions and now I have to live with the consequences of them.
I haven't asked Zac just what problems Isaac and Nikki are having and a part of me isn't sure that I even want to know. I've come to learn one thing over the past few years and weeks even and it's the fact that these Hanson's are really weird people with fucked up lives. Fucked up lives just like mine.
When I hear someone clear their throat, I look up and see Isaac staring at me from the kitchen, "Yeah?" I ask a blush creeping onto my cheeks. I hate that someone caught me getting lost in my own thoughts.
"I was asking if you wanted anything for lunch?" Isaac asks me as he raises an eyebrow, his brown eyes feeling as if they are staring into every part of me.
If Isaac has ever crept me out it is now.
"No," I speak as I shake my head, offering him a small smile. Even if he is creeping me out I will try to be nice to him.
Isaac mumbles something and I watch as he goes into my kitchen briefly, soon coming out again holding a bowl of what looks speciously like Ramen noodles. When he sits down beside me on the couch I feel as if I'm in some awkward movie. I really wish Zac would wake up and save me from any weird conversation we may have.
"Thanks," Isaac speaks after taking a bite of his noodles.
I turn my head and look at him confused, "For what?" I ask not sure why he is thanking me? Is he thanking me for not eating? If so that is just really dumb of him, but it does seem like something he would do.
Isaac takes a few more bites of his noodles, "For letting me stay here," he answers after swallowing what was in his mouth.
I shrug and look down, "It's no problem," I say honestly. To be honest I really don't think I would have let him stay if he wasn't Zac's brother and if Austin didn't care for him or possibly have some weird unrequited crush on him. Both the men I am in love with like him so I have to like him by proxy it seems.
"You didn't have too though," he smiles and it looks grateful to me. "I mean you and I aren't even that close."
"No," I admit, "But you are close to Zac and Austin and anybody close to them is a friend of mine," I smile at him again, this time much more genuine than the last time.
Isaac laughs bitterly some and sits his half empty bowl down on my coffee table, "Don't even mention that asshole Austin," he spits out, his words coming out bitter and angry.
At that outburst I am confused and raise my eyebrows, "What did Austin do to make you so mad?" I ask as I try to rack my brain. Austin is the last person who I could think would ever intentionally hurt someone. Make someone mad.
"He is the reason Nikki kicked me out," Isaac says and shakes his head. "Sending her proof of the affair we've been having for a year now."
At his words I almost feel like I have been punched in the gut. Isaac and Austin having an affair. Isaac and Austin fucking for a year. Isaac being gay. If I have ever felt like I was in some weird twilight zone movie it is right now. All the other times, if there have ever been any, don't count right now.
"Y..you and Austin?" I ask feeling my voice break some. Funny, it seems that is what my heart is doing too, breaking.
Isaac's face changes at my question and it clicks in his brain, Austin never once told me a word of this.
"I thought he would have told you," Isaac sighs and racks a hand through his hair. "I mean..he said he would tell you eventually. I just thought he did by now."
I shake my head and stand from the couch, "No, he never told me," I say as I start to pace back and forth. "He never told me he was screwing around with you," I mutter as I roll my eyes. How stupid was I to think I was the one stringing Austin along. It seems right now Austin was the one stringing me along. Trying to fix me and get in my pants while messing around with Isaac.
"I need to get out of here," I mutter as I stop pacing back and forth. Going past my door, I grab my keys off the key rack and head outside, slamming the door behind me. Going to my car, I get in and soon drive off, heading to god knows where. Hell maybe I'll even drive off a cliff.
As I drive, I realize I should have saw the signs. The whole time we were in Tulsa when Austin wasn't with me he was Isaac. The guy at the bar who I saved him from the night we made love, he was an Isaac look alike. I should have known Austin and Isaac were fucking each other.
Parking my car, I look up and sigh, realizing I have driven myself to Austin's house. Obviously my heart has a death wish, wanting to see Austin after finding out that he is an asshole.
Taking the keys out of ignition, I get out of the car and walk onto the porch. I raise my hand and take a deep breath before knocking loudly.
After I knock, I look down at the porch and wait, wait until I hear the door swing open and then I look up, coming face to face with Austin.
"Care," he speaks using my nickname, "I figured you'd be fucking your little pretty boy," he spits out and I feel like punching him. How dare he have any right to be made at me.
"Shut up," I spit out just as rue as he was and I push my way inside of his house. "Why didn't you tell me you were having an affair with Isaac?" I ask before he has time to even utter anymore words to me. I want to get to why I am here.
"How did you find out?" Austin asks and I turn to look at him, seeing confusion and a hint of shock in his face.
I laugh some and cross my arms, "Because he came to stay with me after Nikki kicked him out because you somehow revealed to her your affair," I inform him.
He looks away from me and sighs, "I didn't see the point in telling you."
"Oh," I say as I laugh again much more bitter this time, "You didn't see the point in telling me you were having sex with Isaac when you were trying to get into my pants?" I ask as I glare.
Austin shakes his head and finally looks at me, "No, because what Isaac and I had was open. He was free to be with other men too if he wanted and I could do the same," he says and I feel like I have been kicked again. This has nothing to do with his arrangement with Isaac.
I uncross my arms and just look at him, "This is nothing about whatever arrangement you and Isaac have. This is about us," I say without realizing I have just called Austin and I an us. "Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to just be your side piece. That when you claimed to love me that I may have actually fallen in love with you?" I ask as I feel my heart break again.
"But you didn't," Austin says so sure of his own words.
I shrug and just run a hand through my hair, "What makes you so sure of that?"
"If you had fallen in love me you wouldn't have been so eager to be with Zac again. You know I caught you guys having sex two days ago," he says as he walks over to the couch and sits down, looking up at me. "I saw you two. I had came back to apologize for running out on you the day before, for not letting you explain more. Imagine my surprise when I saw you and him in bed."
At his confession I stay silent, not sure what to say.
"I didn't stay long though just seeing it for the few seconds I did it felt like hours," he frowns sadly and I notice the tears going down his cheeks. "I was hurting so bad. When I came home that's when I sent Nikki an email of a video that Isaac and I made. I knew from our Tulsa trip they were having trouble, she was already accusing him of cheating. I wanted someone to hurt like I was hurting."
Feeling my own tears break free, I sigh, "Yeah well you did hurt someone. You hurt me," I confess. "I may have had sex with Zac, I may still love Zac but I did truly fall in love with you," I tell him as I reach up and wipe away a few of my tears. "Hell if anyone had asked me to make a choice yesterday I probably would have chose you."
"And now?" Austin asks as he too wipes at his own tears.
"And now, now all I have to say is for the time being I don't ever want to see you again," I say feeling sad at what this has come too. "You weren't honest with me Aussie," I say using his nickname. "And then when you got hurt by me you lashed out at Isaac. You should have just taken it out on me," I tell him.
After speaking I give Austin one last look before walking to his door and going outside to my car again. Starting it up I drive home feeling as if I have just lost something important, someone important but it was his actions that caused that. His actions and now I have to live with the consequences of them.