Continuing my walk down the Tulsa sidewalk I wasn't even aware that I had been followed out of the studio until I felt the hand on my arm to stop me in my steps. I was scared to turn around, scared to face whoever it was that had touched me. I really didn't want to see anyone right now to be honest.
Taking a deep breath I turned around and kept my face straight as I came face to face with Zac. The last person on the list of people that I didn't want to see. Crossing my arms I looked at him refusing to talk first. Hell, I wasn't sure I had any words to say right now anyway, at least not until he said something.
"I," Zac sighed and I watched as he looked down and away from me. It was like he was at a loss for words. "I...I want to say what you walked in on wasn't what it looked like but it was."
Nodding at his words I kept my arms crossed and didn’t look away from him even though he is looking away from me. I wished I could look away from him because every time I look him over all I can see is Taylor's mouth around his dick.
"Why Taylor?" I heard myself asking. I was sure my voice cracked when I spoke. I hated it because it meant I was showing Zac just how weak I was, that I cared who gave him head. That I still cared for him when I had ended things between us.
Seeing Zac look up finally, I frowned when I saw tears in his eyes. This isn't what I wanted to see from him. Not now when my heart was breaking for completely different reasons than it had been before I saw him with Taylor.
"I needed someone Carrot cake," Zac muttered using his damn nickname for me. I hated that nickname and he only used it after that one experience we had with carrot cake. "You left me and he was there," Zac said trying to defend his actions to me. "He came over when I was listening to that darn mix tape. I told him not too but he did and I was high and crying and one thing lead to another," Zac confessed and then looked away from me again.
Sighing I looked away from him as well. I wasn't sure what to do with his confession. Was I supposed to apologize? Was I supposed to congratulate him? Could I tell him I loved him now? Shaking my head no at the last question I ran a hand through my hair. It was short now and lately I had really been contemplating letting it grow out.
"Is that supposed to make things okay?" I asked as I found the strength to look at him again. He still wasn’t looking at me and I was slightly glad for that. "That it makes it okay for you to get head from your brother?" I asked knowing I shouldn't even care what he does anymore. He isn't mine to care about anymore. Maybe he was never mine.
Zac looked at me again and I swallowed hard when I saw that he was crying more now, "Of course it isn't okay Carrot cake," he said as he shook his head and I watched as some of his hair moved to his eyes. I was tempted to reach up and move it. "It's sick and disgusting but it doesn't keep me from liking it and it numbs me."
Raising my eyebrow at his last comment I uncrossed my arms and gave into my temptation to move the hair from his eyes, "Numbs you from what?" I asked as I slowly let my hand fall down to his cheek after moving his hair. I am mentally kicking myself in the ass right now. I should not even be touching him right now. I'm just a sucker for him when he is sad.
"The hurt of losing you," Zac confesses and I close my eyes briefly, swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat. "Pathetic I know," he shrugs and moves away from the touch of my hand.
I laughed bitterly when he said it was pathetic because I do find it kind of pathetic, "Yeah it really is," I nodded agreeing with his words. "I...I guess this is congratulations to you for trying to move on," I said as I chewed on my lip. "Does Alex know his boyfriend is fucking around on him with another guy?" I asked as my voice came out a little more bitter than I mean it too but it's time I stopped playing Mr. Nice Guy.
When Zac shook his head no to my Alex question I rolled my eyes not caring that he hates it when someone does that, "Well I won't tell him just like I won't tell your wife about your newest boy toy," I shrugged as I looked down at the sidewalk.
"He isn't my newest boy toy," Zac pleads and I really want to buy it but I can't. "He is just there when I need someone, you know like you used to do."
"Last I checked that meant I was your boy toy Zachary," I spit out as I looked back up from the sidewalk. I am glad to see that Zac's tears have stopped for the time being. "That's why I ended things because I was tired of being that for you."
"I loved you," Zac says and I feel my heart stop at his words. In all the time we were together not once had he ever muttered those three words out loud. Maybe if he had said that before I saw him with Taylor I could believe them but I can't. I also can't help but feel pain that he used loved in the past tense.
"I wish I could believe you," I spoke in a whisper, even surprised that I can muster words since all I want to do is die right now. "I really wish I could believe you," I sighed as I pushed past him without saying anything else more. What else is there left to say right now? I need to forget him and move on. I also need to get back to the office before Austin gets worried and decides to call the Tulsa police and start a search party for me.
Arriving back at the offices I cringed when I saw Austin outside smoking with Taylor, "We need to go," I muttered as I reached him. I was hoping he could sense the urgency in my voice.
When he gave me a confused look but bid Taylor farewell for now I was relieved and I followed him to the car. As I opened the door I looked at Taylor as he called my name.
"I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Tulsa," he smiles at me and I feel my blood boil because I can see that he is doing it to be smug. It finally hits me why he agreed to keep quite on me being in love with Zac.
"I'm sure I will douche bag," I muttered sarcastically as I got in the car and slammed the door. I'm sure Austin will have questions for me and I'm also sure I don't even know right now how to answer them. The only things I am sure of is I just want to go back to California and I also want to forget that Zac Hanson exists.
Taking a deep breath I turned around and kept my face straight as I came face to face with Zac. The last person on the list of people that I didn't want to see. Crossing my arms I looked at him refusing to talk first. Hell, I wasn't sure I had any words to say right now anyway, at least not until he said something.
"I," Zac sighed and I watched as he looked down and away from me. It was like he was at a loss for words. "I...I want to say what you walked in on wasn't what it looked like but it was."
Nodding at his words I kept my arms crossed and didn’t look away from him even though he is looking away from me. I wished I could look away from him because every time I look him over all I can see is Taylor's mouth around his dick.
"Why Taylor?" I heard myself asking. I was sure my voice cracked when I spoke. I hated it because it meant I was showing Zac just how weak I was, that I cared who gave him head. That I still cared for him when I had ended things between us.
Seeing Zac look up finally, I frowned when I saw tears in his eyes. This isn't what I wanted to see from him. Not now when my heart was breaking for completely different reasons than it had been before I saw him with Taylor.
"I needed someone Carrot cake," Zac muttered using his damn nickname for me. I hated that nickname and he only used it after that one experience we had with carrot cake. "You left me and he was there," Zac said trying to defend his actions to me. "He came over when I was listening to that darn mix tape. I told him not too but he did and I was high and crying and one thing lead to another," Zac confessed and then looked away from me again.
Sighing I looked away from him as well. I wasn't sure what to do with his confession. Was I supposed to apologize? Was I supposed to congratulate him? Could I tell him I loved him now? Shaking my head no at the last question I ran a hand through my hair. It was short now and lately I had really been contemplating letting it grow out.
"Is that supposed to make things okay?" I asked as I found the strength to look at him again. He still wasn’t looking at me and I was slightly glad for that. "That it makes it okay for you to get head from your brother?" I asked knowing I shouldn't even care what he does anymore. He isn't mine to care about anymore. Maybe he was never mine.
Zac looked at me again and I swallowed hard when I saw that he was crying more now, "Of course it isn't okay Carrot cake," he said as he shook his head and I watched as some of his hair moved to his eyes. I was tempted to reach up and move it. "It's sick and disgusting but it doesn't keep me from liking it and it numbs me."
Raising my eyebrow at his last comment I uncrossed my arms and gave into my temptation to move the hair from his eyes, "Numbs you from what?" I asked as I slowly let my hand fall down to his cheek after moving his hair. I am mentally kicking myself in the ass right now. I should not even be touching him right now. I'm just a sucker for him when he is sad.
"The hurt of losing you," Zac confesses and I close my eyes briefly, swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat. "Pathetic I know," he shrugs and moves away from the touch of my hand.
I laughed bitterly when he said it was pathetic because I do find it kind of pathetic, "Yeah it really is," I nodded agreeing with his words. "I...I guess this is congratulations to you for trying to move on," I said as I chewed on my lip. "Does Alex know his boyfriend is fucking around on him with another guy?" I asked as my voice came out a little more bitter than I mean it too but it's time I stopped playing Mr. Nice Guy.
When Zac shook his head no to my Alex question I rolled my eyes not caring that he hates it when someone does that, "Well I won't tell him just like I won't tell your wife about your newest boy toy," I shrugged as I looked down at the sidewalk.
"He isn't my newest boy toy," Zac pleads and I really want to buy it but I can't. "He is just there when I need someone, you know like you used to do."
"Last I checked that meant I was your boy toy Zachary," I spit out as I looked back up from the sidewalk. I am glad to see that Zac's tears have stopped for the time being. "That's why I ended things because I was tired of being that for you."
"I loved you," Zac says and I feel my heart stop at his words. In all the time we were together not once had he ever muttered those three words out loud. Maybe if he had said that before I saw him with Taylor I could believe them but I can't. I also can't help but feel pain that he used loved in the past tense.
"I wish I could believe you," I spoke in a whisper, even surprised that I can muster words since all I want to do is die right now. "I really wish I could believe you," I sighed as I pushed past him without saying anything else more. What else is there left to say right now? I need to forget him and move on. I also need to get back to the office before Austin gets worried and decides to call the Tulsa police and start a search party for me.
Arriving back at the offices I cringed when I saw Austin outside smoking with Taylor, "We need to go," I muttered as I reached him. I was hoping he could sense the urgency in my voice.
When he gave me a confused look but bid Taylor farewell for now I was relieved and I followed him to the car. As I opened the door I looked at Taylor as he called my name.
"I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Tulsa," he smiles at me and I feel my blood boil because I can see that he is doing it to be smug. It finally hits me why he agreed to keep quite on me being in love with Zac.
"I'm sure I will douche bag," I muttered sarcastically as I got in the car and slammed the door. I'm sure Austin will have questions for me and I'm also sure I don't even know right now how to answer them. The only things I am sure of is I just want to go back to California and I also want to forget that Zac Hanson exists.